Thursday, May 12, 2011

The Surprise

Yesterday at noon, I showed up in Market Square, downtown Portsmouth, NH. I arrived a couple of minutes before noon, and sat quietly on a near by park bench. I had two canvas bags with over 150 messages of hope and peace the were gathered from all corners of the globe. My mind and heart were racing. The words in my head were "This doesn't get any easier." That was one big surprise. You would think that after three years of showing up in public to read these messages, that I would feel more confident and at ease with this public performance.

But no, it in fact does not get easier. The part that has changed for me is that I am confident that something unique will happen. And even though I am feeling like I either want to vomit or cry from anxiety,  I am compelled to show up. I have made a commitment to read these messages. I have made a commitment to make an effort to build a better world. No one said it would be easy. So I show up, butterfly stomach, dry mouth and all.

The church bells strike twelve noon. And I begin to read the messages. I read and read. Twenty minutes goes by. I am alone. I make eye contact with a few passers by.  I have never felt more alone in this work. Then friends, family and supporters begin to show up.

The surprise here is not that people came to read and support this effort. I know very well that many many of you support this work. Many of you have come to Market Square when you could. Many of you have come to the studio to weave. Many of you have sent me emails to share your words of support. Your messages of hope and peace have come from all corners.
The surprise is that I felt so anxious. The surprise is that I forgot you are with me. Like so much in my life, I need repeated lessons. So I will show up again. I will feel nervous again. I will be reminded of all the love that is in this world if I just show up.

prayer flag in private garden
 Speaking of love, one of my favorite parts of this project is giving away the prayer flags. For those of you who sent messages a long time ago....hang on your flags are coming! I am sending out a batch today. And then there are those flags that are hung and given away randomly.
Rosamund Fowler St. Helena Mid-Atlantic

I am formulating a grand event to culminate this project on or around September 11th. I believe that a ton of love will be needed on that day. My way to promote that is through a grand finale of this project. I will unfold the details as I define them.

Sally Kruger's Mom in South Africa
So please know that I am aware of your love and support. Please know that I hugely appreciate all your efforts to support this project.

I am simply surprised at how many repeated lessons I need in order to remember and receive this love.

Namaste ~ Sarah